Category Archives: Snarky Fun

Objects in mirror are DIMMER than they appear.

Well the time has finally arrived to get rid of the wagon…the 7 passenger 2005 Chevrolet Suburban with the LT package. Our family has enjoyed it for 54,000 miles of trips around Atlanta and occasionally back and forth to the great State of South Georgia.

The Georgia Southern Eagle tag does NOT come with the SUV....unless you have some 50 yard-line tickets then we'll talk.

Here’s more of a description if you’re interested:

One-owner

54,000 miles

Autotrader shows only two dozen 2005 Suburbans for sale nationwide with under 60,000 miles. Click here to see the link.

All service work has been performed at Maxie Price Chevrolet in Loganville, Georgia where it was purchased new. I have the records.

The transmission was replaced in October 2010 at 46, 300 miles under General Motors Warranty with a refurbished one. All work was done at Maxie Price Chevrolet.

The engine is a 5.3 Liter V8. This motor generates 285 horsepower at 5,200 RPM and 325 ft.-lbs. of torque at 4,000 RPM.

8.91 seconds 0-60 mph and it pulls a .73 on the skidpad

The LT package includes such standard features as:

rear seat audio controls
a Bose AM/FM radio with in-dash 6-disc CD changer
Bose premium speakers
1st row leather seating surfaces

Front seats are heated in case you want to go get your Frosty at Wendy's drivethru in your birthday suit....you know who you are, Kevin.

2nd row seats leather-appointed
OnStar System
steering wheel mounted controls
power fold and adjust heated outside mirror with turn signal and driver-side auto dimming
cargo area mat, net, and shade

Hide your stash of whatever the heck you just bought at Spencer's and Frederick's of Hollyweird from snoopy family members...this is how rumors get started you know?

luggage rack cross rails – never used

Perfect for 30 35W Hellas mounted for night hunting...get that buck that's been giving you fits for 5 years.

trailering package

Load up the trailer with your boat or motorcycles and head to Bike Week at Daytona...don't forget bail money.

10 way power heated bucket seats with driver memory
power adjust pedals
XM Satellite Radio – available with subscription
electronic climate control

In dash CD player will hold six of your latest Lady Gaga and Justin Beiber works. It may spit them out since it's used to The Who, Tom Petty, Van Halen, Jimi Hendrix, The Stones, and Rick James...but you can try...good luck. George Jones, Jimmy Buffett, and Vern Gosdin will play...Rascal Flatts will render it inoperable.

universal transmitter – controls garage doors, gates, etc.

The "Universal Transmitter" is you after a night of trolling at Johnny's Hideway...use the reading lights to figure out which one of 108 Peachtree Roads in Atlanta that you're lost on, Hef.

electrochromic ISRV mirror with temperature and compass
17″ Aluminum Tires

The “Safe and Secure Package” was also added. This includes side impact airbags and an AutoRide suspension.

This SUV has the optional “Sun/Sound Entertainment Package” of a power glass sunroof and a DVD rear entertainment system which you may appreciate on long trips. We usually kept the windows up to avoid getting dust inside (and because we’re slaves to the A/C). The sunroof works fine.

My kids would play Sponge Bob and try to get me to watch the funniest parts while I was driving.

Getting bucket seats in the second row is a $490 option and with three kids, it made getting to the back row easier.

Split-row bucket seats fold forward when you want to throw sleeping bags in the back or leave them up and drive your banker around until he agrees to front you money to keep developing those lots you bought 4 years ago on Saint Simons Island.

A locking rear differential was a $295 option too.

The tires are all 17-inch Michelins that were replaced at the same time.

Plenty of tread for burning rubber with The Gap Band....baby.

When you look at the photos, you’ll notice the carpet. It’s original and we’ve kept it covered with hard plastic all-weather mats the entire time we’ve owned the vehicle.